What is Enabling?
If you live with an alcoholic, you might have trouble seeing the difference between compassion and enabling.
If you cover for an alcoholic or clean up after them you are enabling them to continue their drinking without facing the consequences of their actions. You may think you are helping them them but you are actually creating a situation where the alcoholic can avoid learning from their mistakes.
In effect, if you were to allow the alcoholic to deal with the consequences of their mistakes (even if it hurt them), you would be making the compassionate choice for them. Continue reading »
I try to control everything
How often have you tried to control people, places and things? How often have your control attempts worked? More importantly (and be honest with yourself here), how often have your attempts to control everything led to you suffering even more stress?
Even though you may be convinced that your way is the right way, this may not be the case. It is hard for us to admit that we don’t always act rationally. It’s time to try a different approach.
Let go. Continue reading »
My partner drinks too much
(This post also applies to a family member or friend and it might not be drinking, it could be any addictive compulsive behaviour.)
So, you’re worried about someone’s drinking and you want to know how you can help them?
One of the hardest ideas (at least it was for me), that you will ever have to come to grips with is that the best way for you to help them is to look after yourself.
That’s it.
Let it begin with you.
That isn’t what you want to hear right?
It wasn’t for me either. Perhaps up to now you’ve “helped” the person. Cleaned up their messes, covered over their mistakes. Maybe helped them eat, or sleep or pay their bills. Continue reading »
How to stop worrying
“I am an old man and I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened” - Mark Twain
For a moment, try to imagine how much time you have devoted to worrying. Try to add up all the time you spent thinking “What if this happens” and “I hope that doesn’t happen”. What would you do of you could have that time back now?
Imagining the worst (or projecting) can take over your every waking moment if you let it. How often have you spent weeks dreading something only to find it never happened or it wasn’t so bad? How often has constant worrying about something actually helped at all? Continue reading »
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