My partner drinks too much

(This post also applies to a family member or friend and it might not be drinking, it could be any addictive compulsive behaviour.)

So, you’re worried about someone’s drinking and you want to know how you can help them?
One of the hardest ideas (at least it was for me), that you will ever have to come to grips with is that the best way for you to help them is to look after yourself.
That’s it.
Let it begin with you.

That isn’t what you want to hear right?
It wasn’t for me either. Perhaps up to now you’ve “helped” the person. Cleaned up their messes, covered over their mistakes. Maybe helped them eat, or sleep or pay their bills.

The person you love needs to learn to recover from their own mistakes and right now they can’t. Why not? Because you’re doing it for them. You might consider it helping, but it’s not.
If you stop “helping” someone in this way, it doesn’t mean you don’t love them. You can detach with love. It means you’re setting them free.

How does your life look right now? Would you say it’s manageable?
It’s time to start taking care of yourself.

If you would like to speak in confidence to other people who are or have been in the same situation as you I would recommend you try Al-Anon. Alternatively you could speak to a counsellor.
The themes I speak about on this site will help you too.

Filed under Caretaking, Focusing on you, Let go |