How to get over your ex
“When it is dark enough, you can see the stars.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
When I was 27 years old something happened that hurt so much I thought my life was over. What I didn’t realise at the time was that it would be best thing that ever happened to me. It woke me up and finally I started to live.
So what happened? Well to put it simply, the woman who had been my partner for 11 years and my housemate for 7 years, left me for one of my best friends. Like a bad country song, I woke up one morning and everything was gone, my girlfriend, my home and most of my friends. Because the relationship began when I was just 16 years old, I found myself for the first time in my adult life hit by devastating emotions that I’d never really felt before like loneliness, despair and true, true sadness.
In my ignorance, there were many things I openly dismissed as hogwash, counselling, support groups and the effects of your childhood on your adult life (to name a few) but it’s funny, when you get low enough your eyes and mind can be opened. Thankfully a work colleague recommended me to a counsellor and I finally began to learn about myself.
The important thing to keep in mind right now as you learn to adjust to your new life is that this change is about you not your ex girlfriend, boyfriend, wife or husband. Try to focus on yourself.
When you start to think/worry/obsess about your ex take a deep breath and say the words: “I need to let go of him/her” (use their name). No doubt this is a tough time you’re going through but it will get better. Be selfish now, take care of yourself. Remember these important points:
- Try to eat properly, nourish yourself with good food. Don’t neglect your body.
- Keep in touch with your friends (Even better then that: Meet new friends). Get out of your home. You probably don’t feel like it but it will help.
- Don’t numb yourself with drink/drugs. It might take your mind off dealing with things now but you’ll have to deal with the situation eventually.
- Take this opportunity to learn about yourself. It’s easy to neglect your personal development when you have the safety net of a partner. Now you have a fantastic chance to learn about and improve yourself. Consider talking to a councilor or support group, your doctor can give you advise on how to find these.
Most of all, if you’re feeling lost just remember there are many of us out there who have broken up with a partner and felt the same pain you’re feeling. Remember too that there is no difficulty too difficult to be overcome, no sadness too great to be lessened.
I hope to share with you on this blog many of the lessons I have learned, the hope I have gained and the happiness I have felt since I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. Stick with me, we’re going to learn a lot together.
5 Responses to “How to get over your ex”
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Same way I felt bro and it still sucks, but its getting better. These tips help a ton. I’ll refer every broken hearted friend straight here
real talk
I ended a long distance relationship 3 weeks ago. It was a 7 year long distance relationship. I was 20 years old when we fell inlove and my ex boyfriend was 22 and he was from Germany. It was a relationship full of aspirations and challenges and we were able to overcome the time and distance until lately, he had his hands full with diploma thesis and pressures of a new job. I, on the other hand, had climbed up the corporate ladder faster than he did–but that was all because everything I did was for him to be proud of me and for our future together. I realized lately that he had been pushing me away whenever I ask him when will he visit me again. This seemed to pressure him so much and every conversation we had left a bitter and depressing feeling, I think, to both of us. He wanted us to stay friends and kept chatting but I realized that he no longer loves me and I am the only one holding on to it. It’s a hard reality, knowing that someone you’ve loved, willing to give up everything, had lost their love for you. Yes, a big part of me died and I felt such emptiness that seems to swallow me alive. I’ve always been strong before because I know he’ll always be there to support me..but its different when the source of your strength’s already gone. He was my best friend for the longest time and my friends are all busy and I don’t want to be a bother so I had to deal with it on my own. There were days that I drew comfort from him since he still wanted us to be friends…but I felt that its not helping me at all. We never really did anything bad to each other. The situation was depressing and I know in my heart we loved each other the best way we can. I’ll probably never see him again in this lifetime and it really hurts me to accept that. I still feel lost and trying my very best to get back on my feet. I felt that life’s been unfair for not giving us too many chances to be together.Most of the time I still blame myself for it. I hope one day I’ll get over him and know myself better–plan my future without him. Reading your blog made me feel a little better, specially the part saying that there are many of us out there….
I am 25 and i was in a relationship with a a wonderful guy Joel, his best friend told him that i was unfaithful to him, which a lie.. and he believed his friend.. and he broke up with me.. At the initial breakup, i couldnt believe it.. So i called up my ex, he said, that we should go on a break.. We did and for three months it dragged on.. no commitment from my ex.. eventually between the numerous disappointments that he dished out to me and the heartbreaking reality that he just didnt love me anymore.. I decided to end things.. make a clean break.. no contact.. it has been four days since i heard his voice or saw his beautiful face.. but to be honest, it is hurting less.. and though i love him.. i know that i need to get my life back on track.. smile like i mean it, and laugh like i used to before i met him.. it was a lovely year.. but the reality is.. people change, feelings change.. and we have to adapt, and accept that things are different now.. I hope to “get better soon”.. Good luck to everyone else! You are not alone!!!
Great tips!
A foolproof advice is to stop the communication right away. When I broke up with my ex (who became one of my best buds as well), he consistently calls/emails me and some of my friends because I know he wants to keep our friendship. And I never responded. It’s hard, but that’s the only way. It will just hurt more if I continue talking to him; it’s like adding salt to a fresh wound. I’d still like to be his friend but not now definitely.