How do I cope with pain?
For a long time I felt as if my pain and sorrow would never pass. My whole world had been turned upside down and I was struggling to come to terms with it all. One of the few friends I had left sent me a text one night, it said “Time heals all wounds”. Well my first instinct was to find him a hit him. What an irritating phrase! But it’s true and it does.
The pain I felt changed me in many ways, it made me find the courage to seek solutions I never would have tried before. I rang friends, I joined an aikido group to make new friends, I went to a councilor and eventually I joined a support group. I dealt with a lot of the problems that had added to me feeling so low. I never would have found any of these qualities if I hadn’t gone through my pain. It took time and it was hard but I came out of it all a stronger person. Continue reading »
Filed under Change, Crisis, Depression, Feelings, Grief, Pain | Comment (0)Learn to stop People-Pleasing
“Great tranquility of heart is his who cares for neither praise nor blame” - Thomas Kempis
I know how easy it can be to get caught up in people-pleasing because it’s something I used to rely on far too much myself. People-pleasing is directly related to your confidence. I didn’t have much confidence and didn’t place much value on my own judgement, so I constantly sought other people’s assurances. For example I probably wouldn’t have bothered to make just myself a nice meal, someone else had to be there to enjoy it and say it tasted good. Seems pretty silly eh? Why shouldn’t I appreciate my own cooking? Continue reading »
Filed under Balance, Detachment, Focusing on you, People-pleasing, Self-esteem | Comment (0)Coping with Low Self Worth
When I was 27 I had very little self worth. At the time I had just broken up with a long term partner and had lost my home, a lot of friends and most of all - my sense of self esteem. I just didn’t think I was a very nice person. I was someone who was suddenly alone after years of arguments, shouting, screaming and frustration. I was someone who had ignored his friends for years and consequently they had all given up and gone away. I was alone and I deserved it.
One day I was carrying boxes into my new home (a tiny, smelly, overpriced bedsit - how glamorous!) when I heard a woman’s voice wailing from the top of the street. As I stood and watched, a crying, screaming woman walked down the street in my direction. I have to admit, I just figured she was drunk (a common occurrence in my neighbourhood) and decided to keep my nose to myself and continue with my box moving. Eventually she got as far as the house I was busy moving into and she sat by the front door crying. Well, I figured it was time to get involved. I cautiously approached and we started to talk. It turned out she had just had her handbag snatched. As I spoke to her she explained she lived on the ground floor of the building I was moving into. She had no way to get in to her apartment now that her keys had been stolen so she would have to wait around until her flatmate got home from work. Continue reading »
Filed under Balance, Feelings, Self-esteem, Shame | Comment (0)I try to control everything
How often have you tried to control people, places and things? How often have your control attempts worked? More importantly (and be honest with yourself here), how often have your attempts to control everything led to you suffering even more stress?
Even though you may be convinced that your way is the right way, this may not be the case. It is hard for us to admit that we don’t always act rationally. It’s time to try a different approach.
Let go. Continue reading »
